The Peaceful Water You’ve Been Seeking

Rebecca Kochenderfer & Marilyn Mosley Gordanier


“Noticing and releasing our feelings as they come up, softens the talking in our mind, giving us space and allowing us to better understand our self, others, and the world around us.”

r.k. & m.m.g.

Have you ever noticed that there is a voice in your head that talks pretty much ALL of the time? If you have ever tried to meditate, you’ll know how challenging it can be to go 15 minutes in total silence. This voice in our head comments on everything.

It’s like having a radio on in the background. We get so used to it, we forget it’s on until we tune in to it. A popular phrase these days is, “I don’t have the bandwidth to take that on right now.” There’s this feeling that our lives are so full that we can’t take on anything more. But when our inner talking is reduced we find ourselves with lots of extra bandwidth and we can do what we want to do, without feeling overwhelmed.

If you’ve ever experienced a quiet mind, you know what a joy and relief that is. Suddenly you see and hear so much more! And you can connect more deeply with others and really take in what they are saying, because there is nothing in the background to distract you.

What we know about joy and our “inner radio”…
Our mind’s natural state is one of quiet. When our mind is quiet we experience less stress and anxiety because there is less “noise” demanding our attention and energy. We become more “present” in each moment and this leads to more joy, more clarity, and more “flow”. In those beautiful moments when our “inner radio” is quiet, our consciousness, our awareness, and our capacities are expanded.

“What Was I Just Feeling?”

“Noticing” is a powerful form of mindfulness because it puts a little distance between you and your feelings. You become aware of what you are feeling, but you are not attached to those feelings. This noticing is important because oftentimes our internal radio is triggered by our feelings.

We have found that a busy mind is one of the things that can diminish our happiness. When our minds are constantly filled with thoughts, it may not allow us space to feel joy. A technique that Rebecca has been experimenting with is releasing feelings as they come up. She has found that by doing this, the “inner radio” becomes quieter and it opens the mind for clearer thinking, planning, and dreaming.

When you notice that your “inner radio” is on, ask yourself, “What was I just feeling?” Notice the feeling that came before the thought. It’s a very fast process and looks something like this:

  1. You notice that your mind is talking. Perhaps it is saying something like, “I wonder what I should eat for dinner.” (You might think that this is an idle thought, but possibly it is triggered by a feeling of unease.)
  2. You pause and ask yourself, “What was I just feeling? Was I feeling hungry, bored, annoyed, worried? Aha! I was feeling worried. I was worrying about my weight and trying to decide what I should or should not eat.”
  3. Relax and visualize the worried feeling moving through you and out of you.

Keep noticing and releasing your feelings. A quiet mind is a gift and will bring you much joy. Perhaps before, you found yourself in the “middle” of your thoughts but now you are looking at them from a little “distance.” You see that thoughts come and go, and you make the life-changing discovery that you are not your thoughts. You are much more. And this is the peaceful water you have been seeking.

Want more Joy?

Read: What we know for sure about Bugs, Butterflies, and Joy.

Read: What a difference simple Joys make.

Use: Joy Journal – A Guided Journaling Experience

We would love to hear about your experience with this practice and invite you to reply to this email. We have found it to be an ongoing process, but well worth the effort.

Sending you much joy,

– Rebecca & Marilyn

Rebecca Kochenderfer & Marilyn Mosley Gordanier

About Rebecca Kochenderfer & Marilyn Mosley Gordanier

As Founders of two of the largest and most successful online learning platforms in the world, Rebecca and Marilyn  have inspired hundreds of thousands to follow their “joy sparks” in everything they do.